jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize