eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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