I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
