I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
