I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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