kristin has been a bad kristin
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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