I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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