Im at strip club and am horny
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
