I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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