whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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