Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
