i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
