He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm passing your future prison.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
