then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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