don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
