Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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