trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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