it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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