Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
