Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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