you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
