The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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