capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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