he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I want to fling myself into the sun
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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