you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
