Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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