You made me cry and you don't even care
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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