I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
