I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
