He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
