I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
