God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
