he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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