im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
