shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
