Ketchup is God's man juice
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
