Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
