I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
