went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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