I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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