'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
