the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
