my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
