OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
