So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
