Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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