i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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