Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
