I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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