I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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