Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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