So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
