she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
