dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
