I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
