am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
