no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
