i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If I had your ass I would rule the world
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
