I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
