oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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