my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
