I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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