Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
