I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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